Who's in Control - Part 1 of 3

Image by Christina Morley

At the age of eighteen, I left home to become a missionary. With my new-found independence, I took the time to do some soul searching regarding my relationship with God. I wanted to know Him better. My conversion experience was real and I never questioned that, but there was still something missing. I realized that I knew a lot about God, but I didn’t know Him all that intimately. Up until then, I had lived my Christian life according to my own understanding.

I distinctly remember a conversation that I had with God one evening. I sensed that God was asking me, “How is the Holy Spirit important to Christianity?” It’s then that I began my journey of learning about a part of the Trinity to which I had never properly been introduced. In the churches that I had attended, I had heard lots about Father God and His Son Jesus, but there was little taught about the Holy Spirit.

Through books, testimonies, and searching the Scriptures, I began learning and experiencing more of the Spirit. I became more attuned to His leading. For me, it became a surrendered life. I no longer wanted to be the one in control, because God knew how to do things better.

Then I got married. My husband and I didn’t live the Christian life as well as we thought we did. We thought we were more Christ-like than we really were. Marriage brought out all our imperfections. When we couldn’t agree on something, the issue of submission would sometimes follow. Neither of us knew exactly how submission was meant to function in the marriage. I, especially, had doubts.

My ability to stand up for myself was also my weakness. I didn’t know how to let God fight on my behalf. My strength was merely adding fuel to the fire. You see, growing up as a military kid, I had acquired some survival skills. During the eighteen years I lived with my parents, we moved eight times. I had experienced very few constants. Change was a part of life. No one stood up for me either, not even at home, so I had to learn to stand up for myself. I became a confident individualist, a nonconformist, one who stuck by her convictions.

Now, I had no fear in submitting to the Lord, but I did have a few misgivings about submitting to my husband in every situation. How could I let him take the place of God? Was it biblical that I should be controlled by him? Was it my duty just to submit? Well, through it all, the Lord was teaching us both a hard lesson. At the end of the day, the Lord wanted to be the One in control of both of us.