Thankful in Times of Drudgery – Part 4 of 5

Passing through a desert in life is hard, going around it in circles is even harder, and hating every step of the way is just unbearable. So, what should a mom do when she feels stuck in time, or forgotten? I can’t say that I have any simple answers. All I can say is that this, too, will pass. It’s only for a time.

A friend of mine once told me that if you can’t change your problem, then change your perspective. So when you find yourself in a dry place, ask God to teach you what you have to learn. Determine to wake up every morning saying, “Good morning, God!” rather than “Good God, it's morning!”

As people of God, we’re not just supposed to survive; we’re meant to thrive! God never intended the Israelites just to survive either. He had a plan for their lives that was meant for good and not for evil. That plan included an inheritance, but they weren’t ready to enter into that inheritance.

Part of that inheritance was entering into God’s rest; a rest from work. This was called the Sabbath day. It was not just another rule. God did not make it up to lord it over them. Since they weren’t allowed to do any work on that day, it taught them to rely on God instead of their own strength. It was also God’s way of protecting them from exhaustion and burn-out.

Yes, God wanted them to be obedient and to depend on Him. But, He also wanted them to have a day to rest, to contemplate, and to recharge. Also, God intended the Sabbath rest to teach them to rest in God’s abilities in the whole of their lives.

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Finding Balance – Part 3 of 3

Perhaps you’ve chosen to be a full-time homemaker. That fact doesn’t mean the other members of the family don’t need to help. They’ll learn to appreciate what you’re doing when they have to do a few things themselves. They will also take ownership of the values that you hold concerning home life.

In my home, my husband jokes that he’s the butler and I’m the maid. It’s the reality of our home life. We shoulder the load together and endeavor to teach our kids the same. We’re a good team, but it has taken us lots of open communication to get us where we are today.

Having a balanced life and the right perspective toward ourselves and our work are blessings that come with being in the center of God’s will. It requires us to be faithful in the smallest things, but that doesn’t mean doing everything for everyone. It means being a good steward of what God requires of us and learning how to say “no” or “wait” regarding the rest. It’s then that we become more accurately aware of our roles as wives and mothers, or in any other spheres of influence that we have.

It’s time we stopped going through the motions of life and never really living it. When we’re in His will, we’ll find peace and fulfillment. There is truth in the saying that the more peace we have within us, the more peace we’ll have around us.

Samantha and Amanda 2012

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Finding Balance - Part 2 of 3

When God designed us, He had a vision and purpose for our lives beyond that of caregiver. God made us unique individuals for a reason. He didn’t label us “Childbearing Females,” throw us all into one great big category marked “Homemaker” and leave us there. Yet, we easily get stuck and lost in the complexities of raising a family.

It’s easy to get sucked up into the whirlwind of working and raising kids only to get spat out at the other end as living zombies. We can go through the motions so that people think we’re still alive, but nothing is left of us inside. No one will ask us to stop slaving either. The fact is that most husbands and children don’t naturally want to help around the house. They like their comfort zones, and we too easily take up the slack, wanting to please everyone.

Actually, this cheats our families of having well-rounded mothers who teach their children how to live in the real world. If we do everything for them, they will not be empowered to live a healthy life. They will also miss the opportunity of getting to know their moms, not for what they do, but for who they are.

(I took this photo in 2010 of my daughter, Jessica, helping in the kitchen.)

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Finding Balance - Part 1 of 3

God desires that we live out of a relationship with Him so that there will be a healthy balance of priorities to our day. When there’s an imbalance in our lives it’s important to find out what’s causing it, why it is there, and how we can change things to improve the quality of our lives. Imbalances can be harmful to our peace and joy and, of course, our health. Sometimes it’s as simple as choosing to get enough sleep, but at other times it’s more complicated than that.

If you can’t see the way out of a bad situation, ask God to give you wisdom and the right strategy for improving your circumstances. If we do not seek God’s help, the outcome could deteriorate rather than improve. Some people find a sense of comfort in pretending their problem isn’t there. The consequences of choosing to take no action, however, could make the problem worse.

One very common area of imbalance for mothers is in their roles as homemakers. Many good moms will often try to do everything for the other members of the family. I’d like to call it the “Supermom syndrome.” The reasons why moms feel they need to do-it-all may differ. Perhaps they’re too tired and don’t feel they have the energy to persuade others to participate. Or maybe they fear failure and so they overachieve. Whatever the reasons may be, the fact still remains that they place unrealistic expectations on themselves.

"God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference."

by Reinhold Niebuhr

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The "Perfect" Mom

When you’re not managing it all and feel below standard, it’s okay. Perhaps you’re tempted to think that other mothers are perfect all the time and you’re one of those that just can’t get it right. God never intended making us all the same, just as He made every snowflake unique. We each have our own personal weaknesses and our own special strengths, so don’t measure yourself by others.

We may be human, but once we become born again, God puts His Spirit inside us. His Spirit is perfect, and yet He’s willing to live through imperfect believers like you and me. At the same time, He doesn’t intend us to be trapped by our weaknesses.

Just as we wouldn’t like to keep a messy house, so the Lord doesn’t want His children’s lives to be cluttered by burdens or shortcomings. He will gladly carry our burdens. As far as our shortcomings are concerned, the Holy Spirit is careful not to overwhelm us by pointing out everything at once. He knows how much we can handle.

Sometimes we might be tempted to try to perfect ourselves without His leading, or we might be tempted to point out other people’s faults. However, that is His job and not ours. We must remember that God is the Father and we are the children, not the other way around. He just wants us to be willing to take time to listen to His promptings.

He has called us to be holy as He is holy, but He hasn’t called us to be perfectionists. Perfectionism is a form of pride as it places the focus on our own performance instead of on His grace. When trying to do everything right becomes the goal, we are operating in our own strength. This puts us in a difficult situation because if we are attempting to keep up our impossibly high standards, we’ll eventually burn out.

On the other hand, when holiness comes by His grace then the glory is His, not ours. It’s about exchanging our lives for His. It’s the difference between self-righteous living and God’s life that He wants to give us. We have success only when we allow God to live His life through us by the working of His Holy Spirit.

Whether you are a perfectionist or not, I have good news for you: you are already acceptable in God’s eyes because of the blood that Jesus shed for you. You don’t have to prove yourself to Him. He loves you just for being you.

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Motherhood

As a mother you have the highest calling in life, but even so there will probably be days when you feel alone and unappreciated. The “heartbeat” of "Happy Moms, Happy Homes" is to let you know that you are not alone and that no matter what you’re going through, there is Someone who wants to go through it with you.

I was often disappointed when I couldn’t create the perfect family environment. For instance, I would take extra trouble to cook a special meal, and my toddlers would refuse to eat it. Similarly, we would go on a family outing and all they seemed to do was cry. When these kinds of things didn’t turn out as I had pictured them in my mind, I would feel crushed.

Since then I have come to learn that the absence of trials is not what produces a happy family environment. Instead, it’s achieved every time I’m not shaken when trials come my way. I may not embrace them, but I’ve come to accept them. What is out of my control is still under God’s control. He’s there to comfort and guide me.

Hardly anyone welcomes trials, but the truth is that God allows even trials to shape our lives. He does not want to harm us, but to enrich us. The Bible promises that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance produces character; and character produces hope. It goes on to say that this hope will not disappoint us, because His love is poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit (Rom. 5:3-5). Knowing this, you don’t have to go under when you feel you’re going down. Just keep reminding yourself that God allows difficult times to change you, but not to break you.

Trust the leadership of His Spirit and watch Him go to work in your life, your marriage, your family, and your world. Never give up. Run the kind of race that is pleasing to God, which is to have an open and honest relationship with Him. Then you will reach the goal and gain that prize!


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Poem - Blue Ribbon

You might not receive a blue ribbon
at the end of the day
And being a mother is not
a job that will pay
But your reward is the journey
every step of the way
And “Well done!” are the words
that my Father will say.

by Christina A. Morley

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