Who's in Control - Part 3 of 3

Image by Christina Morley

In the past, people have used the Bible to condone slavery. Others have used it to subjugate women. Are women really not equal and is slavery really acceptable? Most people today would agree that slavery is not God’s perfect will for anyone. However, when it comes to women and their role in the home or the Church, there’s a huge divide among Christians.

Doesn’t the Bible state that women are to be subject and all the rest? Well, when it comes to hard-to-understand scriptures, it’s important to try to interpret them along with fundamental truths which are easier to understand. One such truth states that there is no longer slave or free, male or female, because we are all under Christ (Gal. 3:28). This scripture was written in order to unify believers. Where there is unity, God commands a blessing. We are not to lord it over each other anymore. We are all heirs of the same promise, and if Christ set us free, then we are free indeed.

We women should honor our husbands. That means that when we feel the need to disagree, we should do so respectfully. This is how we should behave toward all authority figures. They, in turn, should be mature enough to honor us even when there are disagreements or when we make suggestions.

Women might be very different from men, but we are not unlike God. God has all the male and female attributes found in mankind. When He created Adam and Eve, He created them in His image. The concept of both male and female begins with God. As we allow God to take His rightful place of authority in our lives, we can be confident in His perfect leadership. The Lord is without sin and so His leadership will never harm us.

As parents, it’s our responsibility to demonstrate healthy authority to our children. We are the first authority figures that they will have contact with. We are also their first glimpse of what God is like. Our children are growing up to be the next generation of leaders. Are we teaching them to be respectful and to be respected? Whatever values we instill in them during their developmental years will become their values in adulthood. Hopefully, they will live in such a way as to make their world a better place.

Related posts:

Who's in Control Part 1

The "Christian" Submission Trap

Who's in Control Part 2

Should Wives Always Submit?

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Who's in Control - Part 2 of 3

Image by Christina Morley

I refused to be controlled, but my desire for self-preservation was so strong that at times my husband felt that I was behaving in a controlling manner. He certainly had a tough time with me. When I wouldn’t back down, he’d often argue harder and raise his voice. On at least two occasions, he dominated the argument to the point where I needed to leave the house to get my space. It was only when we allowed God into our communication that He was able to resolve even the worst deadlocks that we were facing.

We were no experts at conflict resolution. I felt caught in the middle of a tug-of-war. Or maybe it was more like a three-way tug-of-war with my husband, God, and me. Fortunately, God won the war, but He had to first teach us how submission works in a marriage. It’s not as simple as some would have us believe. I had come from a highly conservative Christian background where godly women were meant to “know their place.”

I tried the submission route only out of desperation. Did it fix our problems? No, it fell short of expectations and it sometimes flew right back in my face.

I don’t think compromising convictions ever works. The Bible says that whatever is not of faith is sin. I desperately wanted to be controlled by the Spirit, but at times my husband wanted control. He couldn’t always tell when my feelings were just my feelings and when they were really prompted by the Holy Spirit. The fact that his reactions tended to be based on cognitive processes whereas mine were based more on feelings meant that we often struggled in our communication.

I can clearly remember one incident where our idea of submission showed its flaws. At the time, we were staying at my in-laws’ luxury country inn. My husband and I were sitting outside one of their suites while the children were down at their grandma’s house. It had been a lovely day, and the kids had been running around barefoot.

Later that afternoon, as the air began to cool, my husband became concerned that the children could catch a cold. He thought that I was being negligent and told me that I must go down immediately to put socks and shoes on them. I didn’t feel that going right then was a good idea because my mother-in-law had said that she was resting and I didn’t want to disturb her. Also, the kids were indoors so I didn’t think the cold air would bother them for another half-hour or so.

Well, my husband became annoyed. He wanted me to respond to the situation as he thought I should. To keep the peace, I went down, despite my reservations. I tried to be as quiet as possible, but my in-laws’ house was small and their room was right next to the living room where the kids were watching TV. I didn’t stay long, but long enough to have disturbed her rest. I had become trapped between my husband’s expectations and my own conscience. Clearly, submitting in every situation did not always have a favorable outcome.

Related Post: Who's in Control - Part 1

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Who's in Control - Part 1 of 3

Image by Christina Morley

At the age of eighteen, I left home to become a missionary. With my new-found independence, I took the time to do some soul searching regarding my relationship with God. I wanted to know Him better. My conversion experience was real and I never questioned that, but there was still something missing. I realized that I knew a lot about God, but I didn’t know Him all that intimately. Up until then, I had lived my Christian life according to my own understanding.

I distinctly remember a conversation that I had with God one evening. I sensed that God was asking me, “How is the Holy Spirit important to Christianity?” It’s then that I began my journey of learning about a part of the Trinity to which I had never properly been introduced. In the churches that I had attended, I had heard lots about Father God and His Son Jesus, but there was little taught about the Holy Spirit.

Through books, testimonies, and searching the Scriptures, I began learning and experiencing more of the Spirit. I became more attuned to His leading. For me, it became a surrendered life. I no longer wanted to be the one in control, because God knew how to do things better.

Then I got married. My husband and I didn’t live the Christian life as well as we thought we did. We thought we were more Christ-like than we really were. Marriage brought out all our imperfections. When we couldn’t agree on something, the issue of submission would sometimes follow. Neither of us knew exactly how submission was meant to function in the marriage. I, especially, had doubts.

My ability to stand up for myself was also my weakness. I didn’t know how to let God fight on my behalf. My strength was merely adding fuel to the fire. You see, growing up as a military kid, I had acquired some survival skills. During the eighteen years I lived with my parents, we moved eight times. I had experienced very few constants. Change was a part of life. No one stood up for me either, not even at home, so I had to learn to stand up for myself. I became a confident individualist, a nonconformist, one who stuck by her convictions.

Now, I had no fear in submitting to the Lord, but I did have a few misgivings about submitting to my husband in every situation. How could I let him take the place of God? Was it biblical that I should be controlled by him? Was it my duty just to submit? Well, through it all, the Lord was teaching us both a hard lesson. At the end of the day, the Lord wanted to be the One in control of both of us.

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Working Moms – Part 2 of 4

I chose to be a stay-at-home mom while my kids were small. I knew it was the best I could do for them, but I didn’t enjoy being bound to the house. Some mothers may feel fulfilled in their role as stay-at-home moms. But, what if, like me, you have also chosen to be a stay-at-home mom but feel unfulfilled? What if you desire to be doing more than just housework? In order to keep some variety in my life, I tried different things, such as working from home to bring in a little extra money.

Choosing to stay at home to raise your children is not an easy task, especially when they are small and you still have to do everything for them. From babyhood to toddlerhood they are completely dependent upon you. There’s nothing they can do that doesn’t require some help or monitoring.

If you’re feeling stuck, then maybe it’s time you redefined yourself. With God there is infinite creativity. He can give you an idea that requires you to think outside of the box. Try to discover what you like to do and where God wants to use you.

If you work away from home and hate every minute of it, perhaps it’s for the wrong reason. Is it because you have placed more faith in that pay check than in God? He knows that you need clothes and food, but He asks you to seek His kingdom first, and then all these things will be given to you (Luke 12:22-31). God’s kingdom principles will never fail you or your family.

Linking up with Brooke @ Covered in Grace

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Prayer is Powerful – Part 3 of 5

My husband and I have made it a habit of praying every morning with the kids, either before leaving the house or once we’re all in the car together. We also pray every night for each child, sometimes while they’re still awake or when they’re already sleeping. Part of our prayers includes asking God to give them good dreams.

When I was a small child, I remember many times waking up from nightmares. As I grew older, those nightmares became less frequent. As an adult, I almost forgot they ever existed, but one day they suddenly came back.

I began to notice that there was a pattern for when I had a good night or a bad night. It seemed that the night before I had to lead a youth group or Sunday school class, a nightmare would strike. The dreams would be so graphic and gruesome that I realized they couldn’t be from my own imagination.

I tried praying scripture promises from David’s psalms concerning peaceful sleep. I also anointed every room with oil, but nothing I did seemed to work. Finally, I tried another tactic. It was so simple that I was surprised to find that it worked. All I did was pray that God would put His angels around our home to protect our sleep. I continued to pray that prayer every night, and from then on the nightmares stopped.

Now, every morning and evening we ask God to place His angels around our family. It might sound tiresome to follow such a routine. I know that after a while I had to make peace with it. We never question the need to brush our teeth every day to keep cavities away. The experts say that twice a day is better than once. It’s the same with prayer. My husband and I have seen such an improvement as a result of praying preventative prayers that we’ve chosen to make it a lifestyle.

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Thankful in Times of Drudgery – Part 1 of 5

Mother's Day 2008

Do you often feel weighed down, even overwhelmed, by the nitty-gritty of daily life? Does it sometimes seem as if there is nothing you can do to make the job of motherhood any better? Maybe you’re even ready to throw in the towel?

For those of you who are new to this blog, I’ve been following the lives of the Israelites in the time of Moses, mainly their time in the desert as they journeyed to the Promised Land. Life out in the desert wasn’t much fun. There were no shopping malls, no TVs, and no books or magazines to read. Life went on, and there were daily chores to be done. Of course, a few miracles and a few curses broke the monotony every now and again.

Forty years was a long time to be wandering. It was, of course, meant to be a punishment for the unbelief of the parents. Their children, however, had to go with them through this experience. There must have been hundreds of days that felt like drudgery to them. My few years spent stuck at home caring for a family felt something like that to me. Minutes dragged into hours and hours into days.

I spent most of my time trying to make the kids happy, preparing the meals, and cleaning the house. The down-side was that it was never-ending. It was a constant cycle of kids, meals, house, kids, meals, house, kids, meals, house, and on it went. There was little variety and a lot of work.

On my poetry blog Consider the Lilies, I have posted a poem for Mother's Day called "Gifted, Talented Woman." Here is one stanza from the poem: Without women there would be no children to see - There would be no you and also no me - No different cultures, no different faces, - No different colors and no different races...

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Thankful in Times of Sacrifice – Part 1 of 5

It’s easy for us to recognize God’s faithfulness and protection towards the Israelites because we know the outcome of their story. They, on the other hand, had a much harder time believing that this crazy adventure would have a happy ending.

We know from the Bible that God took care of them. He provided them with food and drinking water. The first miracle food that He gave them they called “manna”, which, translated, means “what is it?” It was a kind of bread that tasted like wafers, honey, and fresh olive oil. None of them had ever eaten heavenly food before and now they were expected to eat “what is it?” for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and for how long? This one-item menu became monotonous, and they wound up complaining again.

Remember that until then, God hadn’t required anything of them other than to leave Egypt and to follow Him. At the time of their leaving, not one Israelite had to die fighting the Egyptians and whatever they needed of their oppressors they could take before they left. However, God was now requiring something more from them. He wanted them to sacrifice fleshly desires; to give up what they loved (familiar food) for something better (heavenly food). Despite everything that God had already done for them, they still weren’t willing to make any personal sacrifices.

Perhaps you might be tempted to judge them as thick-headed. Maybe they were, but we’re not much different from them. Have you ever eaten food from a foreign country and wondered, just like the Israelites, “What is it?” Having traveled to many countries around the world, I’ve had the privilege and opportunity of trying different traditional foods. Some have been tasty, others terribly spicy, and some pretty unusual.

After eating unfamiliar food, most of us can’t wait to get back to real “home cooking.” That’s because it’s hard to adapt to new things. Our familiar things, like family traditions, home cooking, or anything else, bring back memories that feel right and comfortable. The Israelites, like many of us, wanted to have those foods that they were used to and so they grumbled over God’s choice of provisions.

In some ways, God had put them on a forced diet – not because He wanted to lord it over them, but because He knew what was ultimately best for them. The mere fact that it came from heaven meant that it had to be good for them.

The same is true for us today: if we eat right, we will live well. This was a diet like none other. It was supernatural! Besides being a heavenly diet, it was also a kind of fast, not a fast from food, but a fast from earthly food.

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Finding Balance – Part 3 of 3

Perhaps you’ve chosen to be a full-time homemaker. That fact doesn’t mean the other members of the family don’t need to help. They’ll learn to appreciate what you’re doing when they have to do a few things themselves. They will also take ownership of the values that you hold concerning home life.

In my home, my husband jokes that he’s the butler and I’m the maid. It’s the reality of our home life. We shoulder the load together and endeavor to teach our kids the same. We’re a good team, but it has taken us lots of open communication to get us where we are today.

Having a balanced life and the right perspective toward ourselves and our work are blessings that come with being in the center of God’s will. It requires us to be faithful in the smallest things, but that doesn’t mean doing everything for everyone. It means being a good steward of what God requires of us and learning how to say “no” or “wait” regarding the rest. It’s then that we become more accurately aware of our roles as wives and mothers, or in any other spheres of influence that we have.

It’s time we stopped going through the motions of life and never really living it. When we’re in His will, we’ll find peace and fulfillment. There is truth in the saying that the more peace we have within us, the more peace we’ll have around us.

Samantha and Amanda 2012

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Happy Moms - Part 1

The previous blogs were about developing a healthy relationship with God. These next few blogs are about developing a healthy relationship with ourselves. Cultivating a healthy relationship with ourselves is not a new concept. However, it’s not about becoming self-absorbed. It’s about rediscovering what makes us unique and what our purpose is. It’s also about creating balance and boundaries.

Each of us has the ability to positively influence thousands through the people that cross our paths every day. Satan knows this will hurt his cause, so he undermines our self-worth and keeps us so busy with other things that we become ineffective. Insecurities and busyness also cause us to miss out on God’s best for our lives. That’s why we need to take timeout so that we can protect what God has entrusted to us by staying focused and centered.

One thing I’ve come to realize about us moms is that we are quick to take care of our kids and slow to take care of ourselves. It’s also possible to neglect our husbands when we’re so concerned about our children. We may think that if we sacrifice our own needs all the time that we’ll build a perfect home where everyone is blissfully happy. The truth is that until we get our priorities in the right order, we’ll all suffer for it.



I was a stay-at-home mom for about four years. It was hard being restricted to the house for most of the day. Raising demanding and crying tots almost full-time drove me crazy. I was stressed out of my mind and very unhappy.

I would recommend all moms to have at least one job or hobby outside of the home. If you’re feeling stuck, then you’re not in a happy frame of mind. Once I was able to get out of the home and focus on something other than the kids, I became much happier. The best part was that as my needs were being met, I was better able to meet my family’s needs.

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Poem - Patience

Give me patience with runny noses, dirty hands, and whining kids.
Help me see past the constant messes, accidents, and endless bids.
I might feel pulled in every direction without a minute’s recovery.
I need Your wisdom to help plan some timeout just for me.

Teach me how to laugh – not to cry and complain.
Change my views so duties don’t feel like a pain.
Give our home music – help us brave the high seas.
I want to build my home on positive memories.

by Christina A. Morley

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